[Insert horny Frenchman laugh.]

A bit of French, la langue d'amour, and apparently of sex and other naughty things as well.

• bander: to have a hard-on. Bander is commonly used for a bow drawn taut to let the arrow fly. Bander is not used with a direct object, but it can certainly be followed by a number of metaphors: bander comme un cerf (hard as a deer) or comme un tigre (like a tiger). It can also be used thus: “je bande pour toi" (I have a boner for you). However, the reverse would be quite possible: “débander,” i.e., literally to become limp again, is also used metaphorically for “to chicken out.” "Alors, tu débandes?" would mean, "Are you chicken?”
• bitte: cock, prick.
• branlage: wanking, masturbation. “Branlette” is a wank or an act of masturbation. “Se branler” is “to wank, to masturbate”—literally "to wobble oneself."
• brouter le cresson: to perform cunnilingus. Literal translation: "to graze the watercress."
• chatte: pussy (female genitalia).
• chinois: the Chinaman, i.e., a penis. "Se polir le Chinois" is “to polish the Chinaman,” or the very sweet act of giving yourself pleasure.
• cigare (masculine noun): dick. Commonly used in phrases like "couper le cigare" (to circumcize), or "fumer le cigare" (to give a blowjob)—which leads to "avaler la fumée" (“swallow the smoke” or semen).
• couilles: balls, bollocks.
• cramouille: wet slit. Commonly used when for some reason a male wants to use a slightly unpleasant noun for the genitals of a female. “Elle mouille” means “she's getting wet.”
• doudounes: tits. Other euphemisms for breasts include: "les roberts," "les nénés," "les nichons."
• jouir: to come. Used in the sexual sense.
• noune: vagina. Used to replace “vulva” in a normal non-formal conversation.
• ramoner: to sweep the chimney, i.e., to screw.
• se palucher: to give yourself a hand job.
• avoir la tringle: to have a hard-on, erection.
• tringler: to fuck. "Se faire tringler" is “to be fucked.”
• trique: a boner. "Avoir la trique" is to be horny as hell.