Brrrr.

With my slight fetish for ice, this might do nicely.

Man's sexual device bombs with Chicago airport security.

"CHICAGO — Cook County prosecutors say a 29-year-old man traveling with his mother desperately didn't want her to know he'd packed a sexual aid for their trip to Turkey.

So he told security it was a bomb, officials said.

Madin Azad Amin, 29, of Skokie was stopped Aug. 16 at O'Hare International Airport after guards found an object in his baggage that resembled a grenade...

Amin later told officials he'd lied about the item because his mother was nearby and he didn't want her to hear that it was part of a penis pump, Scaduto said."
(Seattle Times)

Good plan, Amin. I'm sure your mother was just thrilled to hear that you had a "grenade" in your luggage. But anything to spare yourself the horror of admitting to your mother and the world that you own a sex...I don't know, aid?

In other news, apparently fluorescent lighting causes condoms to decompose. You learn something new every day.

Czech.

Nadržený is a charming Czech adjective, meaning "horny." It is sometimes used outside of erotic context, meaning that someone is really eager to do something...but it's more fun with the erotic context, wouldn't you say?


Rychlovka is a quickie.

The lure of a vasectomy.

Well, it's alluring to ME anyway. Men don't seem that keen on the whole thing.

I really don't see why.

You don't have to actually slice the vas deferens (in the No Scalpel method). The libido isn't affected, nor the erection. Semen retains the consistency, taste, smell and color it had before, even minus sperm (yes, ejaculation persists! excellent). It is 99% effective as birth control---it eliminates the need for condoms, diaphragms, the Patch, the Pill, the Sponge, et cetera.

So it's not exactly emasculating.

Plus, it takes fifteen minutes and lasts forever---unless you get it reversed. It is cheaper, easier, and safer (almost completely safe) than a tubal ligation (getting tubes tied, for women).

If the procedure is done after having children, why regret it?

I for one don't want to live in fear of getting pregnant when I don't want to--and being trapped in a body that commits mutiny. I don't want to deal with the side effects of contraceptives chock full of latex and spermicide and hormones and jelly until I die.

Besides, I asked a man who knows, and he said: "It's great after you're done having children."

Quite.

[By the way: I would definitely consider a tubal ligation were not the risks, discomfort, and cost significantly higher. Plus, I've already had to deal with all this menstruation crap, and I'll have to go through pregnancy and childbirth, so why should I have to bear the brunt of all this sexually-related madness?]

That's a shame...

Apparently one of the "anonymous" sex bloggers has been outed. I haunted her blog for some time, and she strikes me as an intelligent and charismatic (and ravenous) woman..

It's a shame that her life has to undergo such an upheaval now. Hopefully she'll keep on writing, despite such a horrifying turn of events. She seems to be doing well enough.

Good luck and chin up, Girl!

Cheers.

A long one.

Catalan!

• Bandarra: bitch, slut.
• Cascar-se-la: to masturbate.
• Cinc contra el calvo: masturbation, literally "five against the bold."
• Escalfabraguetes: "crotch-heater." A person who excites men but is not prepared to have intercourse.
• Escalfapolles: cocktease.
• Farranaco (masc. noun): pronounced "pharnakoo." Means "Venus Triangle," aka vagina. Used mainly in the Sunset Islands of Catalonia, and is usually preceded by the masculine article "lo." Example: Deixa'm sobar-te lo farranaco, paia. = Let me touch your cunt, honey.
• Fer un solo de flauta: used when someone masturbates him/herself a lot.
• Orgia: orgy!
• Txitxarrero: to go to the gynecologist. Derives from "txitxi:" female genitals.
• Xona (f. noun): female genitals.
• Xufa: penis. Note: "xufa" (earth almond) is a small tuber from Valencian Country. A popular cold drink of white color, called "orxata," is extracted from the xufa.

Liberation!

After a rather intensive conversation with The Boyfriend, I retired to bed at around 1o:oo (I was worn out and I had work in the morning).

Though I tossed and turned, I couldn't seem to get a hold on sleep. My fingers ventured below my belt and indeed, I was soaked (for no apparent reason).

Dutifully I lubed my fingers with my own juices and moved them up to my clitoris, vaguely aware of desire and a delicate throbbing, though I knew (or thought I knew) that nothing would come of my ministrations--I've never been able to orgasm manually by myself (possibly from sheer laziness).

But all of a sudden I was gripped with determination. I ceased my idle circling and tried something new, steadily and firmly stroking the underside of my clit. Amazingly, my body reacted, the familiar tightening in my abdomen matching my building excitement and enthusiasm. My legs shook and I trembled, moaning and gasping quietly so as not to draw any attention to my bedroom.

After twenty minutes (what can I say, I'm a "beginner"), I was rewarded with an earthy, deeply-rooted release. I lay in my bed, still panting, a warm fullness filling me up.

Near midnight, I finally fell asleep, satisfied.

A hundred wedding nights.

"I don't care where we go on our honeymoon, so long as we get to have lots and lots of.." He coughed.

"Sex?" I asked.

"Why, yes. Yes, that."

Dirty pictures.

If only I could post them.

The Boyfriend: ohhh, and we...
BF: oh my god
BF: i just looked at your email
BF: all of a sudden I was really turned on
BF: and on a public computer!
BF: i'm in the hotel lobby, you know
BF: i have to be decent
KanelMus: mmm, about being turned on
KM: do go on
BF: tch, like i can help it
BF: you're crazy..
BF: and smokin'

Bulgarian.

Lapai mi kura!

That looks so fun to say, but as I'm a woman, it wouldn't really make much sense to say "Suck my dick!"

Note: This expression is extremely "expressive." In Bulgarian it sounds much more vulgar than the English equivalent. Used when angry or sexually aroused.

Tralala.

I'm very pleased, as I now have a three-vibe collection.

1) The Sneaky Portable One: Fukuoku 9000.
2) The Heavy Duty Reliable One: Hitachi Magic Wand.
3) The Splish Splash, Safe in the Bath One: Mini Heartbreaker (got a replacement).

Hoorah!

For those ladies without the funds for such extravagant pleasures, jacuzzi jets work juuuust as well. I've tested several in my time (in fact I had a great evening in one just the other day). But don't take MY word for it..

Hop in a hot tub today!

Phone call.

KanelMus: I am so slick right now..

Boyfriend: Ack! But we haven't even talked about anything.

KM: I know. But all it takes is hearing your voice.

BF: I'll have to keep that in mind..


What can I say? I'm easy.

Breton.

C'hoari koukou means to fornicate or make love.

It's barely a slang phrase, rather weak and old-fashioned. So you won't find me using it today, when I'm at the peak of sexual frustration.

I just want to fuck.

And nobody's being very obliging about it.

Let's do [The Time Warp] again!

From the minute I showed up, I was so ready for him and his fingers.

But we had places to go, Rocky Horror to see (with friends), so I waited semi-patiently.

Until we got to the theater, where the darkness (and the assemblage of semi-dressed fans of the cult classic) lowered my inhibitions and I took most of my clothes off, stripping down to my black silk slip and camisole, and the very necessary fishnet stockings.

We got into the movie quite a bit before we actually did anything. Then, beneath a coat, his dextrous hands slipped between my thighs and gently massaged what couldn't QUITE be reached (sigh). Still, it excited me immensely. I remember goosebumps, and rising anticipation, and the manufacturing of copious quantities of lubrication, and me reaching between his legs to rest on what I reallllly wanted.

After we left and got back to our friend's house (where we were spending the night), I wanted him right away. I wanted to take off whatever I could. I wanted his hands on my breasts, and his kisses to move from my mouth, to my throat, to my collarbone, and finally lavish my aroused nipples, to suck on them and bite. I wanted him to hold my wrists above my head with one hand, and finger fuck me hard with the other until I'd have to bite my lip to keep from screaming. It was absolute torture having to wait.

Finally we got the chance (i.e., it was like three in the morning and everyone had fallen asleep), and eagerly I stripped off my stockings, keeping skirt and thong on (it excites me to have them pushed aside, as an element of the "can't wait" scenario). We kissed furiously as he caressed every inch of my body, doing exactly what I wanted, when I wanted, moving his hands under my skirt and working them into me, starting slow and gradually increasing the speed until it became an effort to keep the sound down as he thrust his fingers with more and more force, slamming into me the way I like. Meanwhile I could feel how hard he was against my thigh, and at some point he moved up to continue kissing me, his erection pressing against my cunt as his hips undulated. My eyes closed, I moaned, wanting so much for him to slide in and fill me up, the presence of a bunch of other people asleep in the room exciting me (not that I wanted to get caught, of course).

After hours of this, we fell asleep, nestled in each other's arms. I dreamed of him until I was pleasantly awoken by the sensation of his fingers moving in and out of me.

(Interjection of a Note from The Boyfriend: After we fall asleep, I'm not sure what always wakes me up awhile afterwards, but I love it.

That particular time, you were kinda turned away from me, with your skirt still up around your hips, breathing deeply in your sleep. You were kind of half-way into the ball that one sleeps in while on their side with your right leg up a bit, leaning to the left slightly. I saw you lying there and wondered to myself how it would feel to wake up with me down there and then couldn't possibly resist the temptation to find out.

I slowly inched down there, paying attention to your every slightest movement to make sure that I didn't wake you up prematurely. When I got down there, I lightly pushed your thong to one side and started massaging the lips. To my surprise the fluids quickly came out, making it much easier to move around. Your breathing got heavier and heavier, more pronounced until you opened up your mouth and it turned into more panting. At that point your right leg, which had at first been bent, kicked bluntly down to more or less straight and I took that as a cue to go inside more. After a few moments of this you woke up and gave this surprised little gasp and THAT'S when the liquids just came gushing. Your breathing got quieter (wisely) but you turned toward me and wrapped your arms around me and we pretty much rocked the rest of the morning out.)

It turns me on to read that, every time.

And apparently it got him pretty hot writing it: "You can see my heartbeat in my pants. Great."

Making up for my laziness:

With a few tasty linguistic tidbits.

Belarusian!

• граць на дудцы-валасянцы (hrać na dudcy-valasiancy): to give a blowjob, to play a hairy trumpet (e.g. Mary hraje na dudcy-valasiancy sztodzionna: Mary gives a blowjob daily). Note: often used as a joke.
• нестаяк (niestajak): soft cock, that doesn't get hard, "noodle" (e.g. Mary, jabacca choczasz? -- Nie, nie chaczu, u tabie z*a niestajak: Mary, want to go for a fuck? -- No, I don't want to, your cock is a "noodle").
• стаяк (stajak): hard cock (e.g. Mary! Pajszli jabacca, u mianie zaraz taki stajak!: Mary! Let's go fuck, my prick is so hard now). Note: Literally means "stand".
• цыцка (cycka, fem. noun, pl. cycki): breast(s) (e.g. Mary, u tabie cycka baczna!: Mary, your boob is open to the public!).

Don't you all feel so enlightened now?

Rolling and riding and slipping and sliding, it's magic.

(Title = lyrics to an E.L.O. song. Yum.)

Yesterday I finally received my Hitachi Magic Wand in the mail.

I had ordered this "Cadillac of Vibrators" because the Mini Heartbreaker I got was defective, and Babeland was having a 20% off sale (score!).

I quickly ripped open the packaging, plugged it in, and set to work.

Now, the settings are Low and High, but in reality, it's more like "High" and "OHMYGOD." I swear, I had the hardest orgasm ever. It almost hurt, and after two more I was walkin' funny, I was so numb. Not to say it wasn't good. I certainly enjoyed it--as was evidenced by the amount of noise I was making. Usually I am almost silent; I add noise because it makes it more fun. But I couldn't stay quiet with this thing. I was gasping and shaking and moaning and my hips were jerking all over the place.

Now, I'm hardly sensitive at all down there. It takes a vibe with a strength of 3 or more to get me off with any regularity. But this was almost too strong. I thought I would be blissed out within fifteen seconds, but because I was so overwhelmed, it took me just as long with the Hitachi as it does with the Fukuoku (40 seconds plus, usually a few minutes). And on the OHMYGOD setting, I had to diffuse the vibration by placing my fingers over my clitoris and vibrating them (although that was pretty enjoyable, I recommend it).

Maybe I'll ease into it. I do like it, a lot. And it definitely gets the job done. Unfortunately, it's also huge, loud, indiscreet, gets hot if you use it for too long, and has a cord. So I can't take it to college with me.

Snap.

Space: The Final Frontier.

Being slightly, endearingly nerdy, The Boyfriend has this fantasy about sex in space. I am, of course, happy to oblige, although I imagine there will be certain complications.

And apparently I'm right.

While sex in space is now a front and center topic of talk in public space travel circles, it may be far more complex and foreboding than once thought...

“Sex in micro-g might be a little underwhelming. That is, the fantasy might be vastly superior to the reality. It’s a pretty messy environment…for every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction,” [James] Logan told an attentive audience over the weekend at the NewSpace 2006 meeting in Las Vegas, Nevada, sponsored by the Space Frontier Foundation.

Sex in zero-g is going to have to be more or less choreographed, “otherwise it’s just going to be a wild fling,” Logan advised.

Still might be worth a shot.

Them balls sure are smart.

Actually, I haven't noticed anything remarkable regarding their intelligence (I'm not sure they're sentient; I sort of hope not).


On the other hand, it gave me a feeling of immense satisfaction to finally get 'em in (for a minute there, it was a tight squeeze), and made me giggle like an idiot for the first ten minutes due to the extremely interesting sensations they caused.

I like them quite a bit. And I noticed, after only an hour or two, that already my PC muscles did seem stronger.

For those of you who don't know:

[Smart Balls are] the stylish way to strengthen your pubococcygeal (PC) muscles or enjoy a feeling of fullness during solo and partner sex. Toning the PC muscles is both practical and pleasurable — it helps women regain control and continence after childbirth, and many women enjoy more intense orgasms when their vaginal muscles are stronger. To help tone your PC muscles, simply insert one ball at a time into the vagina, then squeeze (as if stopping the flow during urination) to feel resistance. Pull gently on the string to build up your vaginal workout. Do not boil. Not recommended for anal play.

I love Kegels.

L'éponge.

Back! Back, you sons of bitches!










So, in my ponderings about which sort of birth control I should use in lieu of condoms when I'm married (since I don't want to have children for a while, but condoms suck), I asked my mother, of all people. We talked about injections and the Pill and the surgery and the ring and the diaphragm (ugh) and the little implanted chip thing, and she nixed all of those.

No, she said, the thing you need is...

The Sponge.

The way she explained it sounded extremely appealing, so I checked out this site.

At first it freaked me out--

I'll do it wrong and the buggers'll get in! I thought. Or, I'll be the of the extremely fertile %15 for whom it just won't work!

But the more I think about it, the more I like it.

It still bugs the hell out of me that I have to do ANYTHING, though. I'm lazy and I want sex to be spontaneous.

But I suppose I'd probably forget to take the Pill at the same time every day.

The Sponge it is.

(Actually, I probably WOULD screw it up. The Patch looks nice enough..)

Booty booty booty booty, rockin' everywhere.

There appears to be a booty craze going on these days. The focus has shifted from cleavage to the derriere..

But obviously it's not exactly a new obsession.

I find myself posturing in front of the mirror rather more often than I'd like to admit, trying to decide whether what I've got is worthy of worship.

Sadly it's nothing like this fine specimen.