This is also important.

I've been thinking about this topic a lot lately.

"I wanted to respond to An Unmarried Woman. As a result of her "nice, funny" husband-material boyfriend's "boring" sexual style, AUW has begun to cheat on him with her ex-boyfriend.

I married my version of her boyfriend. So did many of my friends. Years later, all of us have:

1. Left our nice husbands because the sex was so unexciting,

2. Had affairs, or

3. Complained endlessly about how we feel trapped and frustrated in our sexually unfulfilling marriages.

AUW needs to walk away and she needs to do it now—before she feels crummy about cheating, before she "settles" for bad sex as a trade-off for "settling down," and before she has any kids whose lives will be affected by her future unhappiness and whatever steps she takes to deal with it.

Part of the problem here is that your standard advice to DTMFA doesn't always apply, Dan. AUW's boyfriend is not a motherfucker; he's a good, decent, caring, funny, responsible man, a potential life partner. Women are strongly socialized to downplay their own sexual needs in relation to their desire for security and stability. We're taught that this is the mature decision, and that what's important is that we choose the "good" guy. Only trailer-park sluts—ignorant and sex-driven—would value good sex above all that more "important" stuff.

But as you well know, Dan, good sex is damn important, and our desire for it doesn't necessarily fade over time. AUW should think about this: Even when there's a strong sexual connection, over time the novelty wears off, people have to "work" at keeping the sex hot, and children and bills and the daily grind take their toll. Where does she think she and Mr. Nice Guy will wind up sexually in 10 years if they have an uninspired sex life now?

AUW should wait for someone who "worships [her] pussy" and who is in other ways appropriate for the long haul. You can get a lot of your needs met outside of marriage, AUW, without being unfaithful. You can laugh, talk, go to movies, knit, etc., with friends, and it's okay. But once you go outside the marriage to fuck, you have crossed a heavy line. Marry someone who can meet your sexual needs."