Starved as a wolf.

Anniversary.

2007-11-17T18:38:00.000-08:00

One year, a little more than a month ago.

I booked a room in the Motel 6 a block away from the apartment I shared with three others; the thrill of the bill in my e-mail made me almost as wet as the kiss he gave me when we stumbled across the threshold, awkwardly playing at being "real" adults, adopting the roles of horny strangers.

A sudden shyness overwhelmed the tiny room as we stripped the bed of its cover and flicked on the television. I pulled a bottle of sparkling white wine from my overstuffed suitcase, but no corkscrew--we giggled as he tried to pry the cork out with his car key. The endeavor failed miserably.

The two of us rolled onto the bed, fully clothed, gently re-exploring each other's bodies after three months of sexless separation. I slipped my hands under his shirt, liberating the broad chest and muscled shoulders I had missed; I ran my fingernails down his stomach, cupped his round ass and squeezed. He lay down on his stomach and I rubbed him down with one of those all natural massage bars. Ours was shaped like a heart, smelled like chocolate and cloves (but tasted like soap), and left a warm, slippery residue and gritty bits on his skin. After fifteen minutes, he returned the favor.

"Close your eyes." He did, and I made an ungainly scramble for the itty bitty bathroom. I toweled what was left of the fragrant stuff off of my skin, and squeezed into the black silk Jacquard corset with red lace accents (and matching thong) that I had bought expressly for his anniversary gift.

I sauntered slowly out (well, sauntered may not be quite the word..my stomach was full to the brim with some form of butterfly, and I was teetering about in red patent pumps), and stood before him, weight shifted to one hip, trying to look confident and ending up betraying my nerves completely, more self-conscious than I had been the first time he saw me naked.

He smiled up at me, gently pulling me closer with his hands on my hips, nuzzling the tiny V of silk that barely covered my snatch, his warm breath making me moan with pleasure and surprise.

In a moment I was on the bed, heels shed, scrap of underwear flung across the room (corset still intact). His face was buried between my thighs; I gasped and tightened them as he lapped at the lips of my pussy, dipping his tongue into me, rolling up and around my clit hungrily. My fingers tightened in his hair as I came for the first time that night, calling out (hoping the walls were thick), back arching.

Mon Homme grinned, licking his lips, and slowly moved forward for a kiss. I pulled him down on top of me, responding fiercely, my cunt throbbing. As we broke our kiss, the desire in his eyes paralleled his pulsing erection, and he bent to suck on my exposed nipples.

"I want you inside me," I whispered, and he groaned, finally thrusting into my pussy. Months of waiting escaped in a satisfied sigh, as the familiar feeling of his thick cock filled me in the most amazing way.

Then a look of panic appeared appeared on his face.

"Oh shit..I'm already close." His eyes squeezed tight shut, and he adopted an expression of deep concentration.

"Think of something else," I suggested, and he nodded quickly. "I've really missed this..Your cock feels so good inside me..I love it when you fuck me."

"Hey now," he said, "you're not helping. Let's talk about string theory." He launched into a brief lecture on quantum physics, eyes locked with mine, and slowly resumed his gentle thrusting.

The odd combination of G-spot massage and special relativity, plus my pleasure at being with him again, excited me more than ever. To my surprise, I felt the heat rise in my stomach, my muscles tightening sweetly, the beginning of an orgasm curling up. I wrapped my legs more tightly around his waist, rolled my hips upward, and came hard. He stopped moving, staring down at me in surprise.

"Did you really..?"

"Yesss," I replied breathlessly. A few more strokes and he was done. I stripped completely and we twined together, falling asleep in complete satisfaction.

In the morning, having completely abandoned my unease, I changed into my "Catholic school girl" outfit--white Oxford, very short plaited red plaid skirt, white knee high socks, and black Mary Janes--and he fucked me from behind.

Afterward, we thought about trying something new which we'd discussed for a while: anal sex. He pulled me into his lap, lubricated a gloved finger, and gently probed my asshole. It was an interesting experience for him and for me, since while I had had a finger up my ass before, it had never been done so sweetly.

Eventually we chose to postpone the actual thing..but it's only a matter of time.

This is also important.

2007-11-07T20:41:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about this topic a lot lately.

"I wanted to respond to An Unmarried Woman. As a result of her "nice, funny" husband-material boyfriend's "boring" sexual style, AUW has begun to cheat on him with her ex-boyfriend.

I married my version of her boyfriend. So did many of my friends. Years later, all of us have:

1. Left our nice husbands because the sex was so unexciting,

2. Had affairs, or

3. Complained endlessly about how we feel trapped and frustrated in our sexually unfulfilling marriages.

AUW needs to walk away and she needs to do it now—before she feels crummy about cheating, before she "settles" for bad sex as a trade-off for "settling down," and before she has any kids whose lives will be affected by her future unhappiness and whatever steps she takes to deal with it.

Part of the problem here is that your standard advice to DTMFA doesn't always apply, Dan. AUW's boyfriend is not a motherfucker; he's a good, decent, caring, funny, responsible man, a potential life partner. Women are strongly socialized to downplay their own sexual needs in relation to their desire for security and stability. We're taught that this is the mature decision, and that what's important is that we choose the "good" guy. Only trailer-park sluts—ignorant and sex-driven—would value good sex above all that more "important" stuff.

But as you well know, Dan, good sex is damn important, and our desire for it doesn't necessarily fade over time. AUW should think about this: Even when there's a strong sexual connection, over time the novelty wears off, people have to "work" at keeping the sex hot, and children and bills and the daily grind take their toll. Where does she think she and Mr. Nice Guy will wind up sexually in 10 years if they have an uninspired sex life now?

AUW should wait for someone who "worships [her] pussy" and who is in other ways appropriate for the long haul. You can get a lot of your needs met outside of marriage, AUW, without being unfaithful. You can laugh, talk, go to movies, knit, etc., with friends, and it's okay. But once you go outside the marriage to fuck, you have crossed a heavy line. Marry someone who can meet your sexual needs."

There's a reason for this post.

2007-11-07T20:01:00.000-08:00

As you might suppose.

"Dear Science,

I think my girlfriend is faking her orgasms. Is there any way, scientifically, to figure out if an orgasm is real or not?

Empirically Aroused

Sweaty feet are a good place to start. Having an orgasm, at least to your autonomic nervous system, is akin to being chased by a lion or getting into a drunken bar fight. For men and women, the medical school mnemonic (you'd be horrified to find out how most medical students pass their tests) for sex is "point and shoot," because it's the parasympathetic nervous system—the feed-and-breed regulator—that handles arousal, getting all hot and bothered, erect and wet. Only at the moment of orgasm does the sympathetic nervous system—the fight-or-flight, adrenaline-rush regulator—take over and end the show. If you want an objective measure of an orgasm that doesn't require specialized equipment, graduate students to operate it, and a multiple-Tesla magnet, Science suggests you look for sympathetic nervous system signs: a jump in heart rate, a sudden dilation of the pupils, or sweaty palms and feet.

You aren't the only one wondering. Drug designers, fresh from the victorious conquest of flaccid erections in men, are ready for new territory. Upon discovering women 30 or so years ago—hello, ladies—scientists have been busily testing orgasm-detecting machines in inherently, awkwardly hilarious experiments. Let's consider the latest idea: clitoral MRI. (A Seattle invention! Go UW!) First the volunteers were placed in an environment that really set the mood—a superchilled tube that made regular clanking noises. Next, the stimulation (take it away, journal article) "consisted of a 15-minute segment of neutral documentary video, followed by a 15-minute segment of sexually explicit stimulus material (AVSS), which was then followed by a second 15-minute segment of neutral video." In essence: Nova, porn, Nova—a typical Friday evening for most scientists. The MRI looked for the female erection. You know, swelling of the clitoral tissue around the vagina. But most of the objective scientific tests are about as accurate as sweaty feet.

Have you thought about asking? Your partner might otherwise wonder why you keep reaching for her feet or shining lights in her eyes at her moment of (provisional) ecstasy. Questionnaires are the most frequently used scientific test used to determine if women are coming to orgasm, still the gold standard for sexuality research. But filling out bubble sheets might prove awkward in the bedroom. Just hold your girlfriend's palms, look deeply in her eyes, and you'll have all the data you need.

Rousingly Yours,

Science"

In other news, I received a Fleshlight and a floppy, luminescent 8.5" cock in the mail today.

Trick or treat!

2007-10-31T23:26:00.000-07:00

I did absolutely nothing today.

Well, I did dress up like a slutty Catholic schoolgirl, but that's hardly news.

I have not been the naughty little ghoul I wanted to be tonight. I didn't even watch any porn. Ah well. There's always tomorrow!

Today's word is the Galician "carallo," which means "penis"! It is normally used as an interjection: "carallo!"

To say "suck my dick," say "chupa meo carallo."

And I'll say, "With pleasure."

Weekend...

2007-10-29T22:43:00.001-07:00

He opened his eyes and smiled sleepily, taking my hand and guiding it to rest on top of the bulge in his pajama bottoms.

"I'm ready, if you are," he said, sighing as I stroked the outline of his dick.

Persuasion.

2007-10-29T22:39:00.000-07:00

"Mmmm, what time is it?" I purred, trying to focus on the clock next to me as his lips tightened around my left nipple, tongue flicking deliciously; his hands, meanwhile, massaged my thighs as they were spread to accommodate his hips.

9:07 p.m.

"Oh shit!" I shouted, trying to wriggle out from underneath Mon Homme. "We've got to go.."

"Can I have a little something before we leave?" he murmured in my ear, his fingers exploring the territory between my legs, slick and hotly aching.

"Nooooo," I moaned, "I want to, really, but I'm going to be late and I still have to change.." He wiggled his index and middle fingers "come hither" inside of me; I melted into a puddle of inertia.

Five minutes later, I remembered my goal, and leapt up from the bed.

"Incubus!" I slithered into my pants, pulling them up to my hips as he stood before me, grinning, the zipper of his jeans clearly undone. I eyed him suspiciously.

"Don't," I protested, "because if you do I won't be able to resist.." His smile grew wider as he pulled his dick out of his briefs. Unable to help myself, I reached forward and gripped the shaft, falling to my knees and sucking his hard cock into my mouth, rolling my tongue around the head, one hand pumping rhythmically up and down as as the other fondled his silky balls.

With a groan he exploded into my mouth; I eagerly swallowed the first cum I'd had in three weeks, then jumped up.

"You're so bad," I scolded, hurrying out the door. "And you so owe me."

The Magnificent Train Story!

2007-10-24T22:51:00.001-07:00

For Mon Homme. Part of our "story telling." One of my fantasies:

So we are leaving glorious, beautiful Italy (heaven knows why) to go to Paris (i suppose that's a good reason). We board the train and, since it's a fairly long trip, decide to look for a sleeper car (this is an older train, so the sleeper cars are legit).

The train is packed but we finally find an empty one; we stow our baggage under the seats (which are next to the bunks) and slide the door closed.

The train begins to move, jerkily, and I lose my footing and fall against you; you catch me and take the opportunity to kiss me deeply as the train picks up speed out of the station.

We move to the seats; I sit on your lap facing you; we're into a pretty intense makeout session when the door slides partially open.

We both look up to see another woman, about our age; she's carrying a heavy suitcase and her face is red--"je m'excuse, je suis tres desolee, je vais aller---"

"Attendez," I say, "vous avez l'air tres fatiguee; venez ici, assiez-vous."

I get up and help her put her bags away; she keeps sneaking glances at you--you are trying to look casual with one leg conspicuously crossed over the other.

She is still blushing, which I think is really cute, and as we introduce ourselves with the typical kiss-kiss on either cheek, her lips sort of linger on my cheek--surprised, I turn my head and accidentally kiss her on the lips.

You're definitely paying attention now, as she surprises me further by kissing back, her tongue tentatively slipping between my lips. You rise to your feet, as I moan and close my eyes; you place one hand on the small of my back and the other on hers.

Everything speeds up a bit as she reaches for you, undoing your belt and zipper, pulling your hard cock out and stroking it as I undo the buttons of her sweater, biting her neck and collarbone as they become exposed, kissing her breasts as she fondles you, sucking on her nipples while you massage my ass and reach up underneath my skirt.

I lift my head to grin at her; she smiles back; we both look at you and suddenly you are pushed down onto the bench; she rips your shirt off and we kiss our way down both sides of your body to your cock; we run our tongues up and down and over it, sometimes taking turns to take you all the way, sometimes trading off so one of us is sucking on your cock while the other uses her hands.

All three of us are topless, and she and I are soon completely naked, and as we take care of you our free hands stroke each other; I reach between her legs while she squeezes my breasts.

Soon I can't take it anymore, and I divest you of the rest of your clothing, pulling you up behind me as she takes your place on the bench, lying on her back with her legs spread.

I bend over to run my tongue over and into her pussy; you grab my hips and thrust into me; it feels so fucking good and I groan against her, sucking on her clit; her eyes are tightly closed and she's shaking already---meanwhile you reach around to rub my clit and that, combined with you moving inside me, with the vibration of the train, cause me to come so hard I almost can't see--

Although that could be because she is coming too and wrapping her legs around my neck--the combination of her sounds and mine, and me squeezing your cock as I come, cause you to explode inside of me.

Exhausted, we climb into the bunks and curl around each other and sleep for hours.

Please pardon the lack of proper punctuation (i.e. accent marks); this was an IM session.

[Insert horny Frenchman laugh.]

2007-10-24T21:01:00.001-07:00

A bit of French, la langue d'amour, and apparently of sex and other naughty things as well.

bander: to have a hard-on. Bander is commonly used for a bow drawn taut to let the arrow fly. Bander is not used with a direct object, but it can certainly be followed by a number of metaphors: bander comme un cerf (hard as a deer) or comme un tigre (like a tiger). It can also be used thus: “je bande pour toi" (I have a boner for you). However, the reverse would be quite possible: “débander,” i.e., literally to become limp again, is also used metaphorically for “to chicken out.” "Alors, tu débandes?" would mean, "Are you chicken?”
bitte: cock, prick.
branlage: wanking, masturbation. “Branlette” is a wank or an act of masturbation. “Se branler” is “to wank, to masturbate”—literally "to wobble oneself."
brouter le cresson: to perform cunnilingus. Literal translation: "to graze the watercress."
chatte: pussy (female genitalia).
chinois: the Chinaman, i.e., a penis. "Se polir le Chinois" is “to polish the Chinaman,” or the very sweet act of giving yourself pleasure.
cigare (masculine noun): dick. Commonly used in phrases like "couper le cigare" (to circumcize), or "fumer le cigare" (to give a blowjob)—which leads to "avaler la fumée" (“swallow the smoke” or semen).
couilles: balls, bollocks.
cramouille: wet slit. Commonly used when for some reason a male wants to use a slightly unpleasant noun for the genitals of a female. “Elle mouille” means “she's getting wet.”
doudounes: tits. Other euphemisms for breasts include: "les roberts," "les nénés," "les nichons."
jouir: to come. Used in the sexual sense.
noune: vagina. Used to replace “vulva” in a normal non-formal conversation.
ramoner: to sweep the chimney, i.e., to screw.
se palucher: to give yourself a hand job.
avoir la tringle: to have a hard-on, erection.
tringler: to fuck. "Se faire tringler" is “to be fucked.”
trique: a boner. "Avoir la trique" is to be horny as hell.

Back door delight?

2007-10-24T20:37:00.000-07:00

Last night, I had another of my infamous sex dreams.

I was in a hotel room with one of my girl friends. We heard a knock at the door and when we opened it, three guys and a couple of girls walked in. For some reason, we welcomed their company and soon things got very...naked.

In a minute I was on the bed with one of the guys, completely turned on and waiting for him. I was surprised when a moment later, instead of having my wet pussy filled with dick, I felt his hard cock hovering a few inches lower, pressing insistently against my asshole.

I realized that this was exactly what I wanted, and I begged him to fuck me. He pushed into me and I moaned in ecstasy--it was the most amazing sensation, effortlessly orgasmic. When he came, it was too soon, and I pulled another guy over and into me, while at the same time recommending the experience to my friend, who said that she was already well aware.

It's not too difficult to figure out where this is coming from.

I used to think I wasn't into anal sex at all, but a few months ago I began to have a change of heart. Mon Homme and I have been tossing this idea back and forth for a while now, and a few weeks ago we started the preliminaries..

He took me into his lap and slipped his hand beneath my skirt, massaging my ass cheeks firmly before slipping one black-gloved finger gently into my ass. We adjourned at that level, but he's coming to visit again this weekend and I've been fantasizing about completing my anal deflowering all week.

Last night..

2007-06-07T17:40:00.000-07:00

Last night, I was bored as hell and so I did something I haven't in YEARS:

I went to a cyber sex chat room.

Nothing really happened. A fourteen-year-old hit on me and I kept well away from that; two guys picked up on the whole attempted sex chat thing but had to go before anything interesting happened; I met a guy from Athens who wanted me to visit him in Greece within two minutes of talking (cute).

Boooooring. I did orgasm twice, though, but not due to any real arousal.

The funny thing about it is that when I did things like this before, I was always a lot more forward AND I always lied about my age and my looks (my favorite was that I was a 5'8" strawberry blonde model). I got a lot more "action" that way, but this way was more entertaining.

Today's lesson comes from the Finnish (mmm):

Runkkari: wanker (which is Brit slang for someone who jacks it quite often, or a jerk in general).
Suoro: a horse's or bull's penis. Note: Used humorously to refer to a larger than average human penis.
Vittujen kevät ja kyrpien takatalvi: Oh fucking fuck! Note: Most naturally used after the sentence initial 'Voi..," literally 'Oh spring of cunts and cold spell of pricks,' an expression of extreme disgust.
Voi helvetti: bloody hell.
Voi vittu: fuck this.

The Finnish are so charming..

Ch-ch-ch-changes.

2007-06-05T20:34:00.000-07:00

I actually have something to write about now.

(By the way, I broke up with "The Boyfriend." The long distance thing was not working out at all. Suffice to say he's now a dick and I am dating the delectable "Mon Homme.")

I might play catch-up for a while with my posts, but there will eventually be current events to blog about.

In the meantime, I give you more tutoring in foreign indelicacies, from the languages English and Esperanto:

English

Quim: a vulgar, but not harsh, term for female genitalia. Origin: Scotland.
Snatch: vagina. Less offensive than "cunt."

Esperanto

Amori: to make love/have sex.
Fingrumi: to masturbate. From "fingro" (finger).
Kojonoj: testicles.
Onani: to jerk off (yourself).
Onanigi: to jerk off (someone else).
Seksumi: to fuck/copulate.

De-hiatus?

2006-11-20T23:44:00.000-08:00

For the moment!

And now, a taste of the letter 'D,' via the Danish and the Dutch:

The Danish use the word "skvaddernosse" to describe people who talk a lot and don't have much to say. It literally means "talkative balls."

The Dutch have a multitude of lovely terms:

-aflebberen: to kiss intensely in a public place.
-beffen: to stimulate the clitoris with the tongue.
-bekken: to French kiss.
-botergeil: very horny, very lewd. This word means literally "butter-lewd" and is only used for women. A tentative explanation is that butter (being rather slippery) is associated with the vagina of a sexually aroused woman.
-geilneef: a man who is always horny.
-klaarkomen: to come, to have an orgasm. The normal meaning is "to finish, to get ready."
-opgeilen: to arouse sexually (intentionally).
-vingeren: to stimulate the clitoris with the fingers.
-vleesroos: literally "rose of flesh," a.k.a. "pussy."

Brrrr.

2006-08-31T18:51:00.000-07:00

With my slight fetish for ice, this might do nicely.

Man's sexual device bombs with Chicago airport security.

2006-08-25T15:15:00.000-07:00

"CHICAGO — Cook County prosecutors say a 29-year-old man traveling with his mother desperately didn't want her to know he'd packed a sexual aid for their trip to Turkey.

So he told security it was a bomb, officials said.

Madin Azad Amin, 29, of Skokie was stopped Aug. 16 at O'Hare International Airport after guards found an object in his baggage that resembled a grenade...

Amin later told officials he'd lied about the item because his mother was nearby and he didn't want her to hear that it was part of a penis pump, Scaduto said."
(Seattle Times)

Good plan, Amin. I'm sure your mother was just thrilled to hear that you had a "grenade" in your luggage. But anything to spare yourself the horror of admitting to your mother and the world that you own a sex...I don't know, aid?

In other news, apparently fluorescent lighting causes condoms to decompose. You learn something new every day.

Czech.

2006-08-18T18:10:00.000-07:00

Nadržený is a charming Czech adjective, meaning "horny." It is sometimes used outside of erotic context, meaning that someone is really eager to do something...but it's more fun with the erotic context, wouldn't you say?

Rychlovka is a quickie.

The lure of a vasectomy.

2006-08-16T19:16:00.000-07:00

Well, it's alluring to ME anyway. Men don't seem that keen on the whole thing.

I really don't see why.

You don't have to actually slice the vas deferens (in the No Scalpel method). The libido isn't affected, nor the erection. Semen retains the consistency, taste, smell and color it had before, even minus sperm (yes, ejaculation persists! excellent). It is 99% effective as birth control---it eliminates the need for condoms, diaphragms, the Patch, the Pill, the Sponge, et cetera.

So it's not exactly emasculating.

Plus, it takes fifteen minutes and lasts forever---unless you get it reversed. It is cheaper, easier, and safer (almost completely safe) than a tubal ligation (getting tubes tied, for women).

If the procedure is done after having children, why regret it?

I for one don't want to live in fear of getting pregnant when I don't want to--and being trapped in a body that commits mutiny. I don't want to deal with the side effects of contraceptives chock full of latex and spermicide and hormones and jelly until I die.

Besides, I asked a man who knows, and he said: "It's great after you're done having children."

Quite.

[By the way: I would definitely consider a tubal ligation were not the risks, discomfort, and cost significantly higher. Plus, I've already had to deal with all this menstruation crap, and I'll have to go through pregnancy and childbirth, so why should I have to bear the brunt of all this sexually-related madness?]

That's a shame...

2006-08-13T20:27:00.000-07:00

Apparently one of the "anonymous" sex bloggers has been outed. I haunted her blog for some time, and she strikes me as an intelligent and charismatic (and ravenous) woman..

It's a shame that her life has to undergo such an upheaval now. Hopefully she'll keep on writing, despite such a horrifying turn of events. She seems to be doing well enough.

Good luck and chin up, Girl!

Cheers.

A long one.

2006-08-12T10:37:00.000-07:00

Catalan!

Bandarra: bitch, slut.
Cascar-se-la: to masturbate.
Cinc contra el calvo: masturbation, literally "five against the bold."
Escalfabraguetes: "crotch-heater." A person who excites men but is not prepared to have intercourse.
Escalfapolles: cocktease.
Farranaco (masc. noun): pronounced "pharnakoo." Means "Venus Triangle," aka vagina. Used mainly in the Sunset Islands of Catalonia, and is usually preceded by the masculine article "lo." Example: Deixa'm sobar-te lo farranaco, paia. = Let me touch your cunt, honey.
Fer un solo de flauta: used when someone masturbates him/herself a lot.
Orgia: orgy!
Txitxarrero: to go to the gynecologist. Derives from "txitxi:" female genitals.
Xona (f. noun): female genitals.
Xufa: penis. Note: "xufa" (earth almond) is a small tuber from Valencian Country. A popular cold drink of white color, called "orxata," is extracted from the xufa.

Liberation!

2006-08-07T13:53:00.000-07:00

After a rather intensive conversation with The Boyfriend, I retired to bed at around 1o:oo (I was worn out and I had work in the morning).

Though I tossed and turned, I couldn't seem to get a hold on sleep. My fingers ventured below my belt and indeed, I was soaked (for no apparent reason).

Dutifully I lubed my fingers with my own juices and moved them up to my clitoris, vaguely aware of desire and a delicate throbbing, though I knew (or thought I knew) that nothing would come of my ministrations--I've never been able to orgasm manually by myself (possibly from sheer laziness).

But all of a sudden I was gripped with determination. I ceased my idle circling and tried something new, steadily and firmly stroking the underside of my clit. Amazingly, my body reacted, the familiar tightening in my abdomen matching my building excitement and enthusiasm. My legs shook and I trembled, moaning and gasping quietly so as not to draw any attention to my bedroom.

After twenty minutes (what can I say, I'm a "beginner"), I was rewarded with an earthy, deeply-rooted release. I lay in my bed, still panting, a warm fullness filling me up.

Near midnight, I finally fell asleep, satisfied.

A hundred wedding nights.

2006-08-06T18:52:00.000-07:00

"I don't care where we go on our honeymoon, so long as we get to have lots and lots of.." He coughed.

"Sex?" I asked.

"Why, yes. Yes, that."

Dirty pictures.

2006-08-06T18:36:00.000-07:00

If only I could post them.

The Boyfriend: ohhh, and we...
BF: oh my god
BF: i just looked at your email
BF: all of a sudden I was really turned on
BF: and on a public computer!
BF: i'm in the hotel lobby, you know
BF: i have to be decent
KanelMus: mmm, about being turned on
KM: do go on
BF: tch, like i can help it
BF: you're crazy..
BF: and smokin'

Bulgarian.

2006-08-06T12:39:00.000-07:00

Lapai mi kura!

That looks so fun to say, but as I'm a woman, it wouldn't really make much sense to say "Suck my dick!"

Note: This expression is extremely "expressive." In Bulgarian it sounds much more vulgar than the English equivalent. Used when angry or sexually aroused.

Tralala.

2006-08-06T12:24:00.000-07:00

I'm very pleased, as I now have a three-vibe collection.

1) The Sneaky Portable One: Fukuoku 9000.
2) The Heavy Duty Reliable One: Hitachi Magic Wand.
3) The Splish Splash, Safe in the Bath One: Mini Heartbreaker (got a replacement).

Hoorah!

For those ladies without the funds for such extravagant pleasures, jacuzzi jets work juuuust as well. I've tested several in my time (in fact I had a great evening in one just the other day). But don't take MY word for it..

Hop in a hot tub today!

Phone call.

2006-08-06T12:06:00.000-07:00

KanelMus: I am so slick right now..

Boyfriend: Ack! But we haven't even talked about anything.

KM: I know. But all it takes is hearing your voice.

BF: I'll have to keep that in mind..

What can I say? I'm easy.

Breton.

2006-08-02T15:11:00.000-07:00

C'hoari koukou means to fornicate or make love.

It's barely a slang phrase, rather weak and old-fashioned. So you won't find me using it today, when I'm at the peak of sexual frustration.

I just want to fuck.

And nobody's being very obliging about it.

Let's do [The Time Warp] again!

2006-07-28T09:26:00.000-07:00

From the minute I showed up, I was so ready for him and his fingers.

But we had places to go, Rocky Horror to see (with friends), so I waited semi-patiently.

Until we got to the theater, where the darkness (and the assemblage of semi-dressed fans of the cult classic) lowered my inhibitions and I took most of my clothes off, stripping down to my black silk slip and camisole, and the very necessary fishnet stockings.

We got into the movie quite a bit before we actually did anything. Then, beneath a coat, his dextrous hands slipped between my thighs and gently massaged what couldn't QUITE be reached (sigh). Still, it excited me immensely. I remember goosebumps, and rising anticipation, and the manufacturing of copious quantities of lubrication, and me reaching between his legs to rest on what I reallllly wanted.

After we left and got back to our friend's house (where we were spending the night), I wanted him right away. I wanted to take off whatever I could. I wanted his hands on my breasts, and his kisses to move from my mouth, to my throat, to my collarbone, and finally lavish my aroused nipples, to suck on them and bite. I wanted him to hold my wrists above my head with one hand, and finger fuck me hard with the other until I'd have to bite my lip to keep from screaming. It was absolute torture having to wait.

Finally we got the chance (i.e., it was like three in the morning and everyone had fallen asleep), and eagerly I stripped off my stockings, keeping skirt and thong on (it excites me to have them pushed aside, as an element of the "can't wait" scenario). We kissed furiously as he caressed every inch of my body, doing exactly what I wanted, when I wanted, moving his hands under my skirt and working them into me, starting slow and gradually increasing the speed until it became an effort to keep the sound down as he thrust his fingers with more and more force, slamming into me the way I like. Meanwhile I could feel how hard he was against my thigh, and at some point he moved up to continue kissing me, his erection pressing against my cunt as his hips undulated. My eyes closed, I moaned, wanting so much for him to slide in and fill me up, the presence of a bunch of other people asleep in the room exciting me (not that I wanted to get caught, of course).

After hours of this, we fell asleep, nestled in each other's arms. I dreamed of him until I was pleasantly awoken by the sensation of his fingers moving in and out of me.

(Interjection of a Note from The Boyfriend: After we fall asleep, I'm not sure what always wakes me up awhile afterwards, but I love it.

That particular time, you were kinda turned away from me, with your skirt still up around your hips, breathing deeply in your sleep. You were kind of half-way into the ball that one sleeps in while on their side with your right leg up a bit, leaning to the left slightly. I saw you lying there and wondered to myself how it would feel to wake up with me down there and then couldn't possibly resist the temptation to find out.

I slowly inched down there, paying attention to your every slightest movement to make sure that I didn't wake you up prematurely. When I got down there, I lightly pushed your thong to one side and started massaging the lips. To my surprise the fluids quickly came out, making it much easier to move around. Your breathing got heavier and heavier, more pronounced until you opened up your mouth and it turned into more panting. At that point your right leg, which had at first been bent, kicked bluntly down to more or less straight and I took that as a cue to go inside more. After a few moments of this you woke up and gave this surprised little gasp and THAT'S when the liquids just came gushing. Your breathing got quieter (wisely) but you turned toward me and wrapped your arms around me and we pretty much rocked the rest of the morning out.)

It turns me on to read that, every time.

And apparently it got him pretty hot writing it: "You can see my heartbeat in my pants. Great."

Making up for my laziness:

2006-07-28T09:10:00.000-07:00

With a few tasty linguistic tidbits.

Belarusian!

граць на дудцы-валасянцы (hrać na dudcy-valasiancy): to give a blowjob, to play a hairy trumpet (e.g. Mary hraje na dudcy-valasiancy sztodzionna: Mary gives a blowjob daily). Note: often used as a joke.
нестаяк (niestajak): soft cock, that doesn't get hard, "noodle" (e.g. Mary, jabacca choczasz? -- Nie, nie chaczu, u tabie z*a niestajak: Mary, want to go for a fuck? -- No, I don't want to, your cock is a "noodle").
стаяк (stajak): hard cock (e.g. Mary! Pajszli jabacca, u mianie zaraz taki stajak!: Mary! Let's go fuck, my prick is so hard now). Note: Literally means "stand".
цыцка (cycka, fem. noun, pl. cycki): breast(s) (e.g. Mary, u tabie cycka baczna!: Mary, your boob is open to the public!).

Don't you all feel so enlightened now?

Rolling and riding and slipping and sliding, it's magic.

2006-07-25T08:38:00.000-07:00

(Title = lyrics to an E.L.O. song. Yum.)

Yesterday I finally received my Hitachi Magic Wand in the mail.

I had ordered this "Cadillac of Vibrators" because the Mini Heartbreaker I got was defective, and Babeland was having a 20% off sale (score!).

I quickly ripped open the packaging, plugged it in, and set to work.

Now, the settings are Low and High, but in reality, it's more like "High" and "OHMYGOD." I swear, I had the hardest orgasm ever. It almost hurt, and after two more I was walkin' funny, I was so numb. Not to say it wasn't good. I certainly enjoyed it--as was evidenced by the amount of noise I was making. Usually I am almost silent; I add noise because it makes it more fun. But I couldn't stay quiet with this thing. I was gasping and shaking and moaning and my hips were jerking all over the place.

Now, I'm hardly sensitive at all down there. It takes a vibe with a strength of 3 or more to get me off with any regularity. But this was almost too strong. I thought I would be blissed out within fifteen seconds, but because I was so overwhelmed, it took me just as long with the Hitachi as it does with the Fukuoku (40 seconds plus, usually a few minutes). And on the OHMYGOD setting, I had to diffuse the vibration by placing my fingers over my clitoris and vibrating them (although that was pretty enjoyable, I recommend it).

Maybe I'll ease into it. I do like it, a lot. And it definitely gets the job done. Unfortunately, it's also huge, loud, indiscreet, gets hot if you use it for too long, and has a cord. So I can't take it to college with me.

Snap.

Space: The Final Frontier.

2006-07-24T15:16:00.000-07:00

Being slightly, endearingly nerdy, The Boyfriend has this fantasy about sex in space. I am, of course, happy to oblige, although I imagine there will be certain complications.

And apparently I'm right.

While sex in space is now a front and center topic of talk in public space travel circles, it may be far more complex and foreboding than once thought...

“Sex in micro-g might be a little underwhelming. That is, the fantasy might be vastly superior to the reality. It’s a pretty messy environment…for every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction,” [James] Logan told an attentive audience over the weekend at the NewSpace 2006 meeting in Las Vegas, Nevada, sponsored by the Space Frontier Foundation.

Sex in zero-g is going to have to be more or less choreographed, “otherwise it’s just going to be a wild fling,” Logan advised.

Still might be worth a shot.

Them balls sure are smart.

2006-07-24T13:14:00.000-07:00

Actually, I haven't noticed anything remarkable regarding their intelligence (I'm not sure they're sentient; I sort of hope not).

On the other hand, it gave me a feeling of immense satisfaction to finally get 'em in (for a minute there, it was a tight squeeze), and made me giggle like an idiot for the first ten minutes due to the extremely interesting sensations they caused.

I like them quite a bit. And I noticed, after only an hour or two, that already my PC muscles did seem stronger.

For those of you who don't know:

[Smart Balls are] the stylish way to strengthen your pubococcygeal (PC) muscles or enjoy a feeling of fullness during solo and partner sex. Toning the PC muscles is both practical and pleasurable — it helps women regain control and continence after childbirth, and many women enjoy more intense orgasms when their vaginal muscles are stronger. To help tone your PC muscles, simply insert one ball at a time into the vagina, then squeeze (as if stopping the flow during urination) to feel resistance. Pull gently on the string to build up your vaginal workout. Do not boil. Not recommended for anal play.

I love Kegels.

L'éponge.

2006-07-23T21:40:00.000-07:00

Back! Back, you sons of bitches!

So, in my ponderings about which sort of birth control I should use in lieu of condoms when I'm married (since I don't want to have children for a while, but condoms suck), I asked my mother, of all people. We talked about injections and the Pill and the surgery and the ring and the diaphragm (ugh) and the little implanted chip thing, and she nixed all of those.

No, she said, the thing you need is...

The Sponge.

The way she explained it sounded extremely appealing, so I checked out this site.

At first it freaked me out--

I'll do it wrong and the buggers'll get in! I thought. Or, I'll be the of the extremely fertile %15 for whom it just won't work!

But the more I think about it, the more I like it.

It still bugs the hell out of me that I have to do ANYTHING, though. I'm lazy and I want sex to be spontaneous.

But I suppose I'd probably forget to take the Pill at the same time every day.

The Sponge it is.

(Actually, I probably WOULD screw it up. The Patch looks nice enough..)

Booty booty booty booty, rockin' everywhere.

2006-07-23T12:18:00.000-07:00

There appears to be a booty craze going on these days. The focus has shifted from cleavage to the derriere..

But obviously it's not exactly a new obsession.

I find myself posturing in front of the mirror rather more often than I'd like to admit, trying to decide whether what I've got is worthy of worship.

Sadly it's nothing like this fine specimen.

Righto! (And now for something completely different.)

2006-07-22T16:33:00.000-07:00

(A bedroom of a middle-aged, middle-class wealthy couple. It's dark. They are both lying fast asleep on their backs. Maurice Zatapathique climbs in through the window and pads across to the wife.)
Maurice: Vera... Vera... darling! Wake up, my little lemon. Come to my arms.
Vera: Maurice! What are you doing here?
Maurice: I could not keep away from you. I must have you all the time.
Vera: Oh, this is most inconvenient.
Maurice: Don't talk to me about convenience, love consumes my naughty mind, I'm delirious with desire.
(He kisses her hand repeatedly. The husband wakes up with a start and sits bolt upright and looks straight ahead.)
Husband: What's that, Vera?
Vera: Oh nothing, dear. Just a trick of the light.
Husband: Righto! (goes to sleep again)
Vera: Phew! That was close.
Maurice: Now then my little banana, my little fruit salad, I can wait for you no longer. You must be mine utterly...

I love Eric Idle.

Mooooooooo!?!?

2006-07-21T19:14:00.000-07:00

Poor, poor Elsie.

Breaking news in the world of wang.

2006-07-21T14:34:00.000-07:00

"...scientists reported what could be the first noncosmetic benefit of circumcision. And what a benefit it is: Building on the findings of French researchers—who last year determined that circumcised men in South Africa were 65 percent less likely to become infected with HIV—today the World Health Organization confirmed that removing the foreskins of men across Africa over the next 10 years could prevent 2 million new HIV infections and 300,000 deaths from AIDS.
As Reuters reports, circumcision is believed to cut infection risk for two reasons:
1. The foreskin is covered in cells the virus seems able to easily infect.
2. The virus may survive better in a warm, wet environment like that found beneath a foreskin.
But will Africa's men sit still for the mandatory snip? God knows that circumcision is, for all but the exceedingly unlucky, the worst thing that will ever happen to one's genitals. However, losing your immune system is worse, and here's hoping Africa follows through with its 10-year Harvest of Foreskins."

by David Schmader
The Stranger

How interesting.

I'm all for it. Not because I hate men--I love them and I'm sorry for the pain that circumcision may bring--but because unwashed foreskin is truly the gnarliest thing ever.

I like 'em smooooth.

Even more "mmm."

2006-07-21T13:47:00.000-07:00

One more reason to love Seattle:

The Erotic Bakery.
(2323 N. 45th St. Seattle, WA 98103)

"We're not sure how to say this, so we're just going to say it right out: The Erotic Bakery makes cookies, cakes and cupcakes shaped like — or topped with confectionary representations of — all the reproductive organs you've come to know and love over the years. If you can use it to procreate, these fine people have fashioned it from cheesecake, marionberry and marzipan. The selection of bawdy greeting cards and goofy sex novelties makes Erotic Bakery a one-stop shop for bachelor/bachelorette parties and, um, open-minded birthday parties. Mind where you stick those candles.
By Geoff Carter
NWsource staff"

HUMP!

2006-07-21T10:28:00.000-07:00

This is why I love Seattle: amateur and terribly silly pornfests.

Screenings Friday-Saturday September 8-9, at the Northwest Film Forum.

I am compelled.

I couldn't make this shit up.

2006-07-21T09:14:00.000-07:00

i am a 22 yr old man that thought i would be happy with my wife for the wrest of my life, but after a year of cheeting on my wife with her own mom, i am in love with her mom. she is 44 but she has the experience and beauty. we go wild in bed makin love for hours and she swollows which turns me like crazely. i dont want to be with my wife no more. what should i do?
Marreed Man

"This helpful shit is harder than I thought. But here goes: A husband should be able to discuss anything with his wife, MM. You should be able to share your deepest secrets with her, your innermost thoughts, your fondest hopes for the future. When a man can't tell his wife that his hopes for the future include a lot more oral sex from her mom, then something is wrong. Your marriage could be in trouble. I urge you to seek counseling."
(c) The Stranger

Dear Lord. What kind of man..what kind of mother..ew.

Sexy sofa.

2006-07-19T14:19:00.000-07:00

You might not think sofas can be sexy. You might think a sofa isn't the proper place for such activities. You might think I have terrible taste in furniture.

Well, you're wrong! Wrong, I say!

This is also an incredibly attractive couch. Admit it. This is also one hot piece of sofa. And this is one that should belong to me.

Oh, and the (Swedish) phrase of the day is: Jag är snyggare naken.

It means "I'm better-looking when I'm naked," and is pronounced "yog air snigggareh nocken," according to those who know.

Basque.

2006-07-18T20:48:00.000-07:00

"Sasikumea" means "bastard."

Sasikume horrek zera egin dit!

Tsunami.

2006-07-17T14:53:00.000-07:00

It happened three years ago, when I was visiting my relatives in Kansas for Thanksgiving.

I found myself locked in a closet, masturbating furiously.

What brought this on? I can't really say.

Ever since fifth grade, I'd been tuned into sex and intensely curious about it. I'd seen and read things that made me tingle between my legs, but I'd never done anything about it. I'd never felt the need.

But on that fateful day in November, something inside my fifteen-year-old self snapped (too much turkey?), and I was suddenly filled with the urge to hide somewhere and thoroughly explore my body, to sink my fingers deep inside my pussy and start pumping away.

So I did. I lay down among the shoes and looked up at the sweaters, skirts, and carefully folded slacks, and ran my novice hands over myself, stroking and squeezing, pinching and prodding gently. I moved further down, skirting the clitoris completely and instead rubbing my outer lips, pushing them aside and working my way deeper. I moved my middle and index fingers rhythmically, harder and harder until I could feel my insides stretch out, becoming cave-like and spongy. I pressed against the roof, hearing the satisfying squish.

And then, I squirted.

Chagrined, and a little repulsed, I stopped. Had I just urinated all over the carpet? Upon further inspection, it seemed I had not. Apparently this was something new.

Fascinated, I went back to work, and was able to gush even more, absolutely soaking the floor beneath me. I didn't feel anything when this happened (no orgasmic bliss), except amazement and delight, even though I realize now that I'd activated the G-spot.

Several times during that Thanksgiving weekend, I returned to the closet...along with the bathroom, the bath tub, and the bed. Every time, my play resulted in waterworks.

When I went home, I continued my love affair with the G-spot, until one day...I couldn't do it anymore.

I'm sure I still have the ability, I just can't seem to unlock it. But I haven't given up.

What's on your menu?

2006-07-17T14:18:00.000-07:00

I am now in love with this article.

Not that I have any problem with the taste. Enthusiasm, I've found, adds flavour.

Although I also heartily encourage those of any persuasion to take up a passion for fruit, and abandon onions.

Underwear.

2006-07-17T09:14:00.000-07:00

Or pants, if you're British. (If you're American, educate yourself--in England, what we know as pants are referred to as trousers. Forget this at your own risk. You will be laughed at.)

For men:

You must never, EVER wear y-fronts.

First of all, they are perilously unsexy. I find them to be an instant turn-off, myself. Many other women feel the same about those so-called "tighty whities." Secondly...if you have plans along the lines of fatherhood, they're not exactly advocates for your cause.

Briefs are slightly better, especially if they're black (although not everyone will agree with me).

Boxer briefs are pretty much the tastiest things you can wear, if you want to show off your package but still look 'manly.' (Grey or black is lovely.)

I prefer straight boxers myself (so comfortable, so airy, such easy access), but pretty much anything other than the y-fronts are fine.

Thongs are RIGHT OUT.

And this is an interesting dissection of society's view of underwear.

Rubber.

2006-07-16T18:21:00.000-07:00

I haven't got a fetish or anything, but The Boyfriend DOES like tight, black clothing on me...and this definitely takes that to the extreme. Or maybe this is more my style. Or this?

I wonder if I'd look good in it.

I wonder how I'd get into it in the first place. Looks to be rather a tight squeeze.

Do you think it would melt in the summer?

Bare.

2006-07-16T17:49:00.000-07:00

I want this.

I am easily reeled in by gimmicky things.

Such flattering evidence..

2006-07-16T15:46:00.000-07:00

Hard-ons, that is.

I'm imagining the outline of his erection through his jeans.

Especially when it's unexpected, like in the theater, when all I've done is kissed his jawline and whispered in his ear.

I like the way it strains against the fabric, as if it wants to escape.

And the fact that I can't have him at that moment is such a turn on.

It's especially fun to stroke, while wearing a mischievous grin. No WONDER men don't (usually) wear tight jeans (although a fitter cut is hella sexy). He barely fits as it is.

I love it when he whispers in my ear, "I'm so hard for you," or looks down, drawing my attention, and smiles; or presses himself against me so I can feel it; or takes my hand and applies it there (not only when he's clothed, I like it perfectly well when he's not).

Mmm. I am endlessly impressed and fascinated.

Mind over matter.

2006-07-15T23:16:00.000-07:00

Do you think it odd that as soon as he begins to talk about something intellectual, or just something he finds fascinating, I get wildly turned on (unless it's math, unless he's being very, very good with it and he's got that tone in his voice..)?

He doesn't even have to touch me, or lightly graze the subject of sex...all he has to do is talk. God, he has a sexy mind. And I love how passionate he is about things, random things.

Some time, he should combine the two. Just start lecturing on quantum theory or neoclassicism, while his hands roam from my breasts to trace the curve of my body and slide over my stomach and down between my legs, gently moving his fingers over me until I writhe with desire, then sinking them deep inside me, his eyes still locked on mine, his voice still even and warm.

I guarantee you it would drive me wild, especially if he'd refuse to let me touch or kiss him until I'm begging, and then go on talking between kisses, even as I unbutton his shirt and help him remove the rest of his clothing, then put my legs around his waist and guide him inside me.

Ach, that's hot...and so am I, I think I'll be off for a bit..

A phrase I am fond of.

2006-07-15T21:52:00.000-07:00

"Damn good rodgering."

Domestically challenged.

2006-07-15T21:01:00.000-07:00

My room is a mess.

There are dirty dishes on the counter.

The fridge is thoroughly empty.

And the bookshelves are rather disarrayed.

All in all, it seems clear that I have housework to do.

But all I can think about is baking cookies.

Am I hungry? In a manner of speaking.

I just spent the past hour furiously lovin' my oven, until the batteries were wearing out and my clit was numb.

The Boyfriend called an hour ago. Definitely a connection somewhere..

Today, Armenian.

2006-07-15T19:20:00.000-07:00

"Ander" means "male genitals," with or without testicles.

Hopefully with, but you never know. Could have had a nasty accident.

I am rather a fan of male genitals, you know. Of course, I wasn't always.

I had a certain idea of them in my head before I'd ever seen a "real" one, up close. I was told that Ewan McGregor was pretty large as men go, so I rented The Pillow Book, in which he is seen completely nude from the front, and was massively disappointed. "THAT's large?" I thought. "That still looks pretty small to me."

Of course, his wasn't "on," so I'm sure he's still as amazing as people say (I just wouldn't know). But I was going around thinking, "Men are lame. They think about and brag about them SO much, but really, they're just pathetic and how could they ever afford me ANY pleasure?"

And then...October 29th, 2005. The Boyfriend and I were going to a Halloween party of a mutual friend, and we were a bit early. We pulled over and made out for a bit until we were told off by a couple with some dogs (apparently we were on private property). So we moved the car and went back to work.

He was poised above me in the back seat, encouraging my exploration of his person. I took my hand and ran it shyly down his chest and stomach, past the happy trail. He arched his back so I could get into his jeans more easily, and I slipped my hand in and under the waistband of his boxers, running my fingers through the hair and finally connecting with extremely stiff matter. I was amazed.

I hadn't even KNOWN he was turned on (chalk it up to a dark night, black jeans, and my relative inexperience). Furthermore, I was charmed and delighted. I wrapped my hand around his warm cock and was rewarded with a groan. I traveled up and down the length of his shaft, exploring the balls (gently), the corona, the head, loving the different textures and the way his breathing had changed. I still had no idea what it actually LOOKED like (that came later), but here was proof that men weren't bragging for nothing.

We were a bit late for the party, so we adjourned for the night. But later, The Boyfriend mentioned to me that it had been the first time he'd ever been satisfied to cut our time together short.

I was hooked.

Today brought to you by the letter...

2006-07-14T11:12:00.000-07:00

Three "words/phrases of the day," since I've been lax in supplying them.

Arabic.

Katha ath nan means "caress my genitalia." Direct and to the point.

Nek ni means "fuck me!" Even MORE so.

Zabourah is a nice, pleasant term for "penis," and ironically is a feminine noun.

Lickable.

2006-07-13T22:00:00.000-07:00

Blowfish is where it's at.

2006-07-13T15:43:00.000-07:00

Gee, I love their reviews. I sort of want to work for them. I like that there are real people there, really trying everything.

I want Decadent Indulgence.

Or the Impulse Jack Rabbit, or Rechargeable Jack Rabbit.

Or Smart Balls.

Review for the Fukuoku.

2006-07-13T14:11:00.000-07:00

Here I'm going to talk about the vibe I've got right now, the little finger vibe, Fukuoku 9000.
PROS: It's actually quite nice. It's affordable (I got mine for $18.00), unlike many vibrators, yet still delivers enough vibration (fast and fairly strong) to get you off. It slides easily over the finger, which makes targeting that perfect spot much easier. It's small and relatively quiet, making it easier to hide (if you need to hide it) and also convenient to use during sex. It comes with three differently textured latex slipcovers (doesn't make a huge difference for me, but it might for you).

CONS: The batteries, hands down, are the worst part. They're watch batteries, and $3 apiece. They don't last very long, and after the first couple of times you use the vibe, there's a noticeable difference in how strong the vibration is. The Fukuoku is also not designed to be inserted anywhere.

On the whole, a versatile, bank account-friendly, effective little vibe. I recommend it, especially to first time vibe-users, but your money could be better spent on a bullet vibe that uses cheaper batteries. If you do choose the Fukuoku, you might want to buy batteries in bulk. There's nothing worse than your vibe dying just as you're about to climax.

Delicious.

2006-07-13T12:43:00.000-07:00

I just spent the past twenty minutes on the floor in ecstatic agony, panting and moaning loud enough for the neighbors to hear, losing myself in extreme pleasure.

Iiii..am making myself numb. But it's so worth it, to hit that spot that makes me pulse, and think, "Aha! Got it." After that it's only a matter of time until my head starts feeling floaty and an amazing orgasm spreads from that one tiny spot to everywhere below the waist, making me shake and grab whatever's nearest until I ride it out and relax, noting that my spine is considerably more tense (oh well) and my toes are even curlier than usual.

And then I do it again, refusing to give up until I succeed or my batteries die (and let me tell you, that is the WORST FEELING EVER). So, it was twice tonight because it was starting to get that frostbite-y feeling and I knew if I tried again I'd only get frustrated.

After the first time I noticed that I was considerably slick, so at the peak of my next one I stuck two fingers inside to feel the anenome-like wave The Boyfriend described, which I'd never done...he was right, it's so cool! If I do say so myself. And after that was done, I ditched the Fukuoku and used three fingers (estimated to be about as thick as "him," so I know for sure I'll be able to take him at some point) to take care of my G-spot (that interesting ripply textured thing above that nubby thing), and I almost achieved the neat waterworks squirty thing that I haven't in some time, so next time I do that I'll keep going until I do so I can teach him, because it's REALLY cool, I have to say. As it was, I got tired, even though I was having fun admiring the heat and soft wetness of my insides, so I withdrew and sucked it all off my fingers.

Interesting flavor, that..not salty, like precum, but slightly bitter like citrus, with a more sweet and mild aftertaste. I like it, but that's just me.

Purr-fection.

2006-07-12T11:27:00.000-07:00

What a cheesy title.

Anyway, fellatio. My adoration for oral goes both ways, it seems.

I hadn't tried it until May of this year, because I was nervous and I wasn't sure I'd be able to do it well.

But it was after prom (oh, so cliche), and we were lying on the floor of my living room, in the dark at two in the morning. Nobody else was home. Gently, he coaxed me, and after a lot of stalling, I made my way down.

My technique, of course, was imperfect. It involved a lot of teeth (wince), although I did minimize it somewhat by recalling tips I'd heard before and covering them with my lips. But he seemed to enjoy it--actually, he definitely did, because after only a few minutes, what had been only a half-aroused cock was hard as rock, and he, a usually silent guy, was breathing heavily and quietly moaning.

Thrilled, I adopted fellatio as my favorite hobby.

The second ever time I gave him head (yes! fewer teeth! more lubrication!) was on the floor next to his bed, with his whole family home (I laugh in the face of danger, ha).

I was trying this twisty thing I'd heard about, and he was going, "Ahhh..yessss." Oh, it was sooo gratifying. And sexy. Mmmm, I love it when I'm able to focus on his pleasure alone. I think that was my favorite time doing that, but it's difficult to choose, really.

It was also immensely entertaining in his living room, with him being shy (for good reason, it's true) and me whispering in his ear, "You know you want me to..." and finding definite physical proof. But because it wasn't exactly private--his family was over on the other side of the house--he'd only allow me ten seconds at a time. Gosh, that was fun.

And I really do crave it. I've been wanting to do it pretty much 24/7 after the first time. Yum.

That time in the back seat of my Cadillac was fun, too. I liked being able to use my whole body to move up and down (makes for less of a sore neck, hooray), I liked the sounds he made and how stiff he was and close to orgasm the entire time (even though that didn't quite happen), and I liked being relatively in the open. Am I weird that way?

I find myself really missing it. This might sound odd, but he is blessed with what pretty much amounts to perfection between his legs (for me; a gorgeous, thick seven inches--any longer and it'd kill me, I'm so small). Lucky me. (Because as shallow as it sounds, it matters.)

I love him so much, and it's almost always physically evident that he loves me. Ahhhh.

I'm addicted...

2006-07-12T11:21:00.000-07:00

...to cunnilingus.

Ever since the first time...I can't even explain what it does to me.

Moves me across the bed, for one thing. Makes my legs shake. Makes me twist the bedsheets in my hands.

I love digging my heels into his back. I love those moments when I watch him there between my legs, with that dark, intense look in his eyes. Those moments don't last very long though, because I can't do much besides close my eyes and arch my back..focusing doesn't work very well.

And it's one of the easiest ways to get turned on, thinking of his tongue.

It's like chocolate--those really delicious, melty Frangos. Or a long, slow, warm, wet massage.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I need a distraction.

2006-07-12T11:13:00.000-07:00

I'm eyeing the large conference room behind me. It has a big table in the middle, and leather chairs all around. The only problem is, the walls are mostly transparent. And thin.

But I still imagine myself writhing with pleasure on top of that table. I need to schedule a conference with The Boyfriend.

Try as I might, I simply cannot keep myself under control. If it wasn't for everyone walking around, I seriously believe I might actually...you know...

All I have to do is think of The Boyfriend, and my heart rate goes up.

It's not fair. He plays dirty.

If he wasn't so damned attractive, and he didn't cater to my every sexual whim, and he wasn't so hot blooded himself, I MIGHT have a chance.

But as it is...

Although I suppose if push came to shove, I would be the more evil of the two of us, considering nobody can tell when I'm turned on.

Stockings.

2006-07-12T09:53:00.000-07:00

I need some hold up stockings. Every once in a while I get huge cravings for them, and I never have just gone out and bought some.

Nobody to use them on, but there's nothing wrong with feeling sexy for myself.

Although what I really wish was that The Boyfriend was home, so I could surprise him wearing those and an extremely short silk dress. I want to be pushed against the wall. I want to wrap my legs around him and moan as he thrusts into me again and again.

Alas, it looks like I'll have to be resigned to solo sports for a long, long time.

But life would be better with this dress.

Stilettos wouldn't hurt, either.

Buzz, buzz.

2006-07-12T08:43:00.000-07:00

The other night I was treated to three orgasms in a row, à la Fukuoku. I needed that.

(What I didn't need was The Boyfriend's family hearing me moan over the phone. Ack.)

Then I went to sleep.

What a thrilling life I lead.

This is bad.

2006-07-11T14:07:00.000-07:00

I find my fingers inching between my legs...

...but I'm at work.

Not good.

Down girl.

Fitting for this day.

2006-07-10T14:07:00.000-07:00

Cajun, for the spice.

Bec mon chu.

"Kiss my ass."

Reeeeed Robin! (Yum.)

2006-07-10T10:30:00.000-07:00

When our relationship was just a tiny seedling (and nobody knew about it), The Boyfriend and I wouldn't really go on official dates. I'd visit him at tennis practice and make all the other boys jealous; I'd go to his football games (he was a sexy trombone in the pep band); I'd hang out with him whenever I could. Usually I'd make something up for my parents so they wouldn't suspect that I was dating him (I'm not sure why it was so important for me to keep it a secret now), like I was hanging out with a bigger group and he just happened to be a member of the group.

One such occasion I remember pretty clearly, in September...I don't remember what we were doing during the day, but when it got dark, The Boyfriend and I got hungry, and we went to Red Robin to grab a bite. The place was packed, so we put our names on the list and went back to the car to wait for fifteen minutes.

The back seats of his car folded down, so we lay in the back and spooned (he kept blowing my hair out of his mouth) and talked. I discovered that I could give him goosebumps by running my fingers lightly up and down his arms and ribs. I was also experimenting with grinding my ass against his groin, trying to get a rise out of him. He'd scoot away, and I'd pout. The windows fogged up, and we used our fingers and toes to draw designs.

Fifteen minutes came and went.

I hate my boobs.

2006-07-09T21:57:00.000-07:00

I honestly do. And that makes me sad.

When they aren't cold or I'm not turned on, they just flop around with these giant, boring areolas and almost no nipple.

When they're aroused in some fashion, or supported by a bra or something, I like them a lot. They're 36 Cs, which is the perfect size for me, and they're pert and don't roll into my armpits when I lie on my back.

But if I get bored or the heat rises, it's all over. It makes me ashamed for others to see them, even The Boyfriend, who claims to love them and certainly pays a lot of attention to them, fondling and kissing and sucking and biting and so on, which I enjoy quite a bit.

But as much as they're appreciated by him, I want them to shape up. I don't need them bigger, I just want them rounder and perkier while I'm young. Is that too much to ask?

"New boobs" may have to be my college graduation present. Four more years. I can wait that long.

(In the theme of surgery, is there any type that can make a woman more sensitive and better able to orgasm?)

Even more messages.

2006-07-09T21:49:00.000-07:00

Evidently I get very bored and very pent-up without much needed release, courtesy of The Boyfriend.

Luckily, he can access the internet where he is, so I like to torture him a little when he checks his messages.

Ah, summer. It's pleasant enough that I can sit outside, which makes me feel less guilty about fiddling away vacation on the computer.

I'm making good use of the patio furniture. My laptop is of course perched on the table underneath the umbrella, and I am perched adjacent to it in a chair similiar to a rocking chair, only spring-loaded. It's fun. I'm bouncing up and down and watching my reflection in the sliding glass door.

And I'm thinking of straddling you and sliiiiding down over you, shifting to take every last inch, until we're fully connected and I moan at how deep you are, with my back arched while you just lay back and relax and marvel at the hot, slick sensation of being inside me.

(Brief interjection: oh Lord. I'm practically vibrating with desire and I need to be fucked. Badly.)

I would rotate my hips and lean forward, grinding into you, sending shock waves of pleasure through my clit and into my stomach and legs. You'd lift your own hips and I'd bounce with the power of your thrusts, calling your name until I tense with impending orgasm and climax loudly. A little more movement on your part and you'd do the same, gasping as you exploded into me. We'd both relax and I'd bend to rest my head on your chest, with you still inside me.

I swear, I get dirtier every day. My apologies if it's too much. I think I have a pornographic calling.

I love you and I want you to make love to me every day. Maybe twice a day. Maybe more.

Brrr, a more chilly breeze just blew my way, but it's still light outside and around 65-70 degrees, so I'll stay put for a while longer.

I feel so cheesey and cliche, but I also feel extremely turned on and writing is really my only outlet. I like to think of you reading my notes and getting a hard on in public. (Yep. Evil. It's in my blood.)

Last night I didn't go to sleep until two in the morning. I was involved in an elaborate fantasy...I thought I'd make the best of my completely smooth self while I could.

I lay in bed and thought of our future selves. I couldn't decide who would be waiting at home for the other to come home from work, but it didn't really matter. I flip flopped back and forth, but mostly I settled on me either being home to begin with, or coming home before you. Mostly because the anticipation would help me to be ready for you; also because I could change or freshen up if work was tiring; and because I just enjoy ambushing you.

It's difficult for me to hold on to fantasy. I'm not used to it; I'm better just focusing on pleasure, and my brain makes me replay things over and over. It gets very frustrating when I'm just trying to get turned on and get off. But I thought I'd try because thinking about the things you do to me turns me on more than I can do to myself, and I wanted to be ALL the way turned on, for penetration to be more enjoyable rather than just playing with my clitoris.

Anyway, you'd come home, in your sexy work clothes; I'd have a skirt (nothing underneath) and heels and a button-up shirt, for the purpose of my fantasy. You'd walk in the door and I'd kiss you lightly, like always..and then deeper. You'd get the idea, of course, and unbutton my shirt. Fondling, kissing, unzipping, sucking, licking, gasping, pushing my skirt up to my hips and fucking me on the kitchen counter, on the living room couch, against the wall, on the stairs, on the chair in the office, coming there inside me; ripping my clothes off and doing it again on the bed, from the front, spooning, from behind, with my arms over my head and my wrists tied together and my legs spread roughly apart, first gently and then much harder, me coming messily and you all over my breasts and stomach.

That was the fantasy going on in my head. (Do I ever turn you off with how explicit I am? I can certainly tone it down, but I'll still be thinking it of course.)

What I was doing was massaging my breasts with my hand going into my shirt, the way you do; unbuttoning the shirt and throwing it across the room, pushing my pants down and tossing them off. I stroked myself up and down, caressing my curves and quietly moaning so no one would hear me, paying particular attention to the insides of my thighs, wandering over my snatch and enjoying the new sensations and my silky, bare skin. (It really does feel so much better, mmm.) I dipped a finger into myself, but I wasn't quite ready so I rubbed gently up and down with the lengths of my fingers, and did a circular, and then wavelike motion on my clit with wet fingertips, which sends pulses of shivery pleasure up my spine and gives me goosebumps (I'm rather pleased with this new discovery, it ALMOST feels like I might orgasm but inevitably I'm too lazy to do it long enough).

I took out the new vibe (I really like how bright red it is, and the texture), and decided to ignore the defect. The vibration is stronger than Sam's, but not concentrated in one spot so it's hard to figure it out. But with the end of the curved tip against the clitoris, it gives me enough satisfaction to keep it there for a while. Then I slide it up inside of me, which was a little uncomfortable because I'm not used to wider penetration anymore (I miss your fingers) and I wasn't entirely lubricated. So I went back to the clitoris and played around until I came to a fantastic orgasm, much much longer and more satisfying than what Sam can do (even though I love my tiny Fukuoku). I turned it off and moved my fingers back inside, increasing the lubrication and playing with the G-spot (but again, too tired/lazy to get anywhere except getting juicier) until I thought I could try the vibe again. Felt much easier and more comfortable and pleasurable than before, but I couldn't figure out how to apply the vibration to the G-spot to get that kind of orgasm, so I'll have to try harder next time...

Then I was tired and I went to sleep naked, my favorite way.

Well, that was fun, and rather clinical actually. ^^

After you reply to these notes, you OWE me some of your own.

And no more of that "I haven't got a camera" BS because disposable cameras are cheap and I fully intend to send you a shot of what I've got. I neeed pictures of your cock (pardon the term), preferably aroused as hell.

Thus concludes my session of, You Have an Extremely Nasty Girlfriend.

I can't believe I missed masturbation month.

2006-07-09T19:58:00.000-07:00

And it's May! The month of my birth! I really should have known about this. And I should have been in San Francisco.

(It's not an incredible shame, because it's not like I wait for masturbation month to buff the muffin..but still.)

Anyway, I thought I'd do a little belated tribute in honor of it.

Male Masturbation

Futhermore

Et cetera

Euphemisms

Female Masturbation

Furthermore

Et cetera

Euphemisms

Mmmm. And now to finish the rest of the tribute in bed.

Third time's the charm.

2006-07-09T18:16:00.000-07:00

Three names you go by:
Kanelmus (Swedish for "cinnamon mouse")
Ginger
Babe

Three things you like about yourself:
My hair
My eyes
My libido

Three things you dislike about yourself:
My insecurity
My cellulite
My boobs in their natural state

Three things that scare you:
Bears
Stormy seas
Abandonment

Three of your everyday essentials:
A hot shower
The Internet
An orgasm

Three things you are wearing right now:
Dangly earrings
A sexy brown tank
Hot jeans

Three favourite bands/artists of the moment:
Sufjan Stevens
Morningwood
Oasis

Three of your favourite songs of the moment:
Love Like a Bomb, Oasis
Twist, Goldfrapp
Bad Touch, Bloodhound Gang

Three new things you want to try in the next 12 months:
Sex on the beach, at camp
Using my pool/gym membership more often
College

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given):
Passion
Fun
Empathy

Two truths and a lie (you can guess which is which):
I have had fifteen orgasms in a row, at a concert
I've never had a steady job
I have a scar on my finger from trying to peel a banana with a knife

Three physical things about the opposite (or same) sex that appeal to you:
Hair
Hands
Shoulders

Three things you just can't do:
Curl my tongue
Cry at funerals
Enjoy mayonnaise

Three of your favourite hobbies:
Reading
Singing anywhere
Picking out new vibrators

Three things you want to do really badly right now:
Fuck The Boyfriend
Eat some Temptation melon (mmm)
Fuck The Boyfriend some more

Three careers you're considering:
Massage therapist
Commercial Airline Pilot
Mortician

Three places you want to go on holiday:
The U.K.
Romania
French Polynesia

Three things you want to do before you die:
Travel everywhere I can
Go hang gliding
Live happily

Notes from The Boyfriend.

2006-07-09T13:09:00.000-07:00

Me: Sooooo...

I got bored today and tired of looking all scrubby "down there." So around eleven (PM) I hopped in the shower and shaved it all off.

Usually I'm not into that sort of thing because it looks too pre-pubescent. And it looks really strange from above (my vantage point).

But it looks fantastic when I spread my legs...

And it's so silky when I touch myself..

And every little sensation (silk, for example, or water) is magnified five times.

DAMN I wish you were here. You wouldn't get hair in your mouth, and I would have one rockin' orgasm.

Him: Is it bad to be perpetually turned on like i am? all i have to do is revisit any of these messages or your letters and it's all over (my restraint, that is)

i want you on your back, arched in the air, feebly grabbing on to the nearest solid object, quivering in pleasure.

i want you to be shaking uncontrollably, penetrated completely, no spot of you left unchecked.

i want your sweat dripping off your breasts as i thrust into you over and over again.

i want you blind with passion, lost completely in the sensation of being owned completely.

i want there to be no thought in your head at all, save how utterly fantastic it feels.

and afterwards, i want you to collapse, exhausted, into a deep sleep, dreaming about every detail of what just happened.

and then i want you to wake up and want it all over again.

Naked!

2006-07-09T00:12:00.000-07:00

Yep.

I am bare down there.

And I LOVE it!!

From up above (my vantage point) it looks rather odd, but from the front and to the touch it's fan-fucking-tastic. Yesssssssssssss.

It's like having worn a giant parka everywhere, and finally getting to take it off.

(Not that I'll permanently abandon fuzz. This is just pretty darn fun.)

Operation: Porn Star.

2006-07-08T20:29:00.000-07:00

I am preparing to trim my bikini line.

Actually..

I'm preparing to shave my pubic hair. All of it. Off.

It's been getting on my nerves lately, just looking scrubby and unkempt, and I haven't been completely smooth for a long time. Partly because I'm too lazy, partly because I like a little fuzz, but mostly because I don't think little girls are a turn-on.

But it's summer and I'm hot.

Away with it!

So there!

2006-07-08T18:13:00.000-07:00

For a long time I've wanted to get a nipple piercing, either for both or just the left nipple. But everybody's been telling me, "Nooo! When you have a baby, the milk will gush out the sides of your nipple!"

Utter bollocks, according to Wikipedia.

Nipple piercing and breastfeeding

There is a common question among women who consider nipple piercings, and that question is how it may affect breastfeeding. There is no evidence that proper nipple piercings cause any complications with lactation. However, it is recommended that good care is taken to prevent infection by using a piercing professional and good body piercing aftercare. Frequent re-piercings can also damage the nipple and cause complications. It is also recommended that the piercing be healed before breastfeeding. Most body piercing professionals will refuse to pierce a pregnant woman for this reason, and because piercing causes unnecessary stress on the body that could potentially complicate a pregnancy.

Several complications have been noted involving breastfeeding with a piercing present, so it is recommended to remove nipple jewelry before nursing.

Several women who do not remove nipple jewelry before nursing observe the following problems:

Poor latch
Babies frequently coming on and off the breast
Slurping
Gagging
Milk leaking from the baby's mouth

It is also a potential choking hazard for the baby. As the baby sucks, the jewelry could come loose and lodge in the throat. The baby's gums and tongue as well as the soft and hard palate could be injured by the jewelry.

So obviously, I'll just take the darn thing out when I become pregnant. Ha!

How to go down on a woman.

2006-07-08T16:04:00.000-07:00

Cunnilingus is the holy grail of satisfying most women. So it's no surprise that some suffer performance anxiety. Cultural myths about nasty vaginas just add to the pressure. But cunnilingus performed well will endear you to a partner like nothing else can. So whether you're a seasoned muffdiver or are a late bloomer just getting started, here are a few tips to improve your technique.

Lick her like an ice cream cone… Big soft licks from stem to stern with a wide flat tongue stimulate all the nerves in her genital area. Go deliciously slow to make her feel like a yummy dessert being savored, or speed it up a bit and focus more on the clitoral area to push her towards orgasm.

Dive in. Build up the intensity level gradually. Once you're into it, use your whole face. Bury yourself in her pussy, get your tongue in as far as possible, use your nose for more pressure. Not only does this feel good physically, it lets her know you are really into her taste and smell. Hint: if your eyelids aren't sticky, you're not doing it right.

Insert two fingers in her vagina while licking her clit. Curl those fingers up towards your tongue, capturing her clit and G-spot between your mouth and fingers. As your tongue licks up pull down with your fingers; get a rhythm going.

Let your lover straddle your face. If lying back to be licked is too passive for her, let her hop on top. From there she can control the pressure and area of contact. To make this position even more fun, get tied down to the bed before she mounts you, and maybe she'll even boss you around with firm directives: "stick your tongue out!", "open your mouth!" "suck it boy", and so on. Bottomy munchers will, well, lick it up.

Mix it up. If all you do is lick up and down, up and down, ("fencepainting"), chances are that it'll get boring to your partner after a while. Vary your movements, add pressure, use your lips, breath and teeth in addition to your tongue, change positions, use your hands….Get your whole creative body involved.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Most women orgasm in response to rhythmic stimulation, so if you're in a groove that is building her up, don't suddenly change what you're doing. Finding the balance between variety and consistency is the art to being an oral expert.

Play the part. Combine your oral sex experiences with a variety of different erotic attitudes. Are you worshipping her pussy or are you controlling her with your tongue? Are you mystic lovers building an erotic energy ball together? Whatever your attitude, the psychic space you play in can make your sex connection that much hotter.

Suck her into your mouth. Gentle suction is a nice variation on the licks and downward pressure of most cunnilingus. While you've got a nice piece of her sucked in your mouth, lick it while maintaining the suction.

Love your job. Pussy munching is best when both people love it. Doing it should feel really good and exciting to the giver. As good as it is for her cunt, it hopefully is for your mouth. It's something you're doing together. If you don't want to do it, don't. Performing sex because you feel obliged will kill that spark of sexual vitality in you quicker than anything. Follow the spark of your desire and you can't go wrong.

How do you know if she likes it?
With your face buried in her cunt and your ears muffled by her creamy thighs, it can be hard to talk about how things are going. So look for more subtle signs of her enjoyment. If she raises her hips to meet your mouth, that is a very good sign. A lubricating vagina and swelling vulva and labia that spread open as they become engorged are a sure sign that she's responding favorably. So is a growing clitoris. An all over skin flush, rapid breathing, and writhing are clues. Clutching the sheets is excellent, and so are hands on the back of your head pushing you in for more.

By Rachel Venning

Princely.

2006-07-08T02:11:00.000-07:00

Gallant also looks fun...

The PERFECT companion.

2006-07-08T02:01:00.000-07:00

So, I got my new vibe in the mail yesterday. I was all excited, and impressed that the box it came in didn't betray where it came from (making it much easier to keep that information from my family). I took the mini Heartbreaker out, and the packaging is SO chic. It didn't come with batteries (luckily I had AAAs of my own), but it did have some toy lube.

I popped the batteries in, capped the bottom, and was surprised and delighted at the delicious vibration that came alive in my hand.

That is, until the + and - buttons utterly failed to work. Couldn't turn it up or down or to the pulse mode, and couldn't turn it off unless the batteries came out. I was very disappointed and sent an email to Babeland. Haven't gotten a reply yet. If they tell me it's defective, I don't know whether I'll have them replace it with the same or return it, get a refund, and spend a little more for this, the Sinnflut Intensity. Abso-fucking-lutely beautiful. Love the color scheme. Certainly looks worth it. And I've got the money. I just don't know if I want to spend $150 on a toy that's not exactly subtle. Hmm.

Sure has great stats, though. And I remember looking at it in the actual store and finding it appealing.

"The subtle textures of this silicone marvel will feel silky smooth against your clit or G-spot. It took the sex/tech geeks at Fun Factory to build the perfect vibrator: the cleverly designed Sinnflut Intensity offers a powerful electric motor, resilient silicone shaft, multiple speeds and pulse modes, and a completely waterproof body. Because it's rechargeable, there are no cords to contend with — simply slip your toy into the docking station when you're fully satiated. The Sinnflut Intensity edition features subtly textured waves, a smooth tip, and a slight curve for those who like subtle G-spot stimulation. Red or white.

Size: 6 insertable inches long, 1-1/2 inches in diameter
Material: Silicone
Texture: Rippled and firm
Shape: Non-realistic
Waterproof: Yes
Vibration Settings: Variable speeds and pulse modes
Strength: 2 to 4, depending on setting
Pitch: Medium-pitch buzz
Volume: 2 "

I'd like to know whether I can actually climax from anything vibrating besides clitoral stimulation, first. I need something dirt cheap but effective. Unfortunately, nothing fits that criteria. If only I could buy something, "wear it with the tags on," and then return it.

No such luck.

Mock cock in a croc purse?

2006-07-08T01:36:00.000-07:00

Sounds good to me.

Babeland's Mock Croc Toy Tote, mmm. I need red.

"Impress your playdate and up your fashion quotient by stashing your sex toys in this sleek and stylish Mock Croc Toy Tote - much sexier than lugging them around in a brown paper bag. Comes with a lock and key to ensure privacy, and room enough for a wand vibe or paddle, with stash space left over for lube, dildos, and even undies and a toothbrush."

Five different things.

2006-07-08T00:47:00.000-07:00

List 5 imperfections that you find annoying, but could or have learned to live with. These are NOT deal breakers, but they are irritating and annoying. But if your 8 perfect characteristics were met, you could learn to put up with these.

1) Being a bit of a workaholic.

2) An extremely soft heart.

3) Vulgar taste in food.

4) An addiction to fast, foolish cars.

5) Preferring sleep to sex.

Eight things I love about you.

2006-07-07T23:52:00.000-07:00

List 8 traits about your perfect partner, in no particular order.

1) Intelligent. I need someone I can really talk to, someone I can expect a thoughtful answer from in return. I need someone who knows how to fix things. I need someone who frequents libraries (and not just because of my kinky fantasies). Brilliance turns me on.

2) Attractive. To ME. (Anybody who says basic animal attraction doesn't matter is selling something.) If there's no lust on my part, there's no point to the relationship because I'm just going to get bored. I have fairly quirky tastes regarding men, so no worries. You don't have to look like a porn star. In fact, I prefer that you don't. Except perhaps in one regard. (Just kidding!)

3) Confident. Not arrogant. Not full of yourself. Not certain that you are amazing. In fact, I like a little vulnerability, a little doubt, because I enjoy lavishing ego boosts on my lover and I'd hate for his head to explode. I just ask that you're confident enough to be yourself, and let me be myself. And to let me see you naked.

4) Adoring. I crave affection. I want love and attention, I want you to make me feel special even in public, I want praise and flattery (so long as you mean it), I want you to look at me like I'm the only person in the world. Believe me, you'll get plenty of the same in return.

5) Humorous. Gentle teasing, inside jokes, and playful banter a must.

6) Passionate. About SOMEthing. It'll make you all the more interesting. And, of course, passionate about me. I want to be ravished. I want to be touched, everywhere, any time. I want your gaze to burn me up. I want your voice to send shivers down my spine. I want you to want me. I want to turn you on--and I need you to tell me that I do. I want evidence. I want enthusiasm. I want experimentation. I want you to desire me so much you can barely stand it. I want you to want to please me. Follow through. Get me to be vocal. If it's not too much trouble, make some noise of your own.

7) Honest. Just..don't lie to me. Win my trust and deserve to keep it. Trust me in return.

8) Sweet. Be gentle, be patient, be understanding. Take care of me. Treat me nicely. All I really want is unconditional love on your part. It's really not that much to ask.

Les levres.

2006-07-07T16:33:00.000-07:00

They need kissing.

Planning.

2006-07-07T15:10:00.000-07:00

Someday, I want to have a lot of sex, and I don't want to rely on condoms alone. (Currently I don't have "real" sex. I'm waiting, for various reasons.)

My options are pretty broad, but I'm looking for something "foolproof," like the Pill. I'm worried about the potential side effects though (loss of libido, weight gain, blood clots), so maybe I should look elsewhere...

This site has a whole list of contraceptives, and pros and cons. Right now injections or hormonal implants seem to be the best option besides the Pill (especially Norplant® Implanon, although it's not available in the U.S.). Of course, those also have nasty cons.

What are your thoughts? Feedback would be great.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

2006-07-07T15:06:00.000-07:00

The intern just walked by on his way out of the office.

"When do you get off?" he asked.

"Four-thirty," I answered.

(I should have said, "Hardly ever.")

The seven deadlies.

2006-07-07T14:35:00.000-07:00

Surprise, surprise.

Dream, when you're feeling blue..

2006-07-07T13:10:00.000-07:00

Thank you, Roy Orbison.

Mm, I'm posting a lot today. It being a Friday, I have so little to do, and so much to think about.

Currently on my mind is the last night I spent with The Boyfriend. Certainly a bittersweet time--it was the day of my high school graduation, but also the last day I'd see him before he moved away. Luckily, he got to spend the night, and we drank champagne and ate strawberries and Godiva chocolate. Yum.

We enjoyed each other's company as usual, with an extremely hot make out session, a great deal of fondling, and fantastic oral. Perhaps we were a little more passionate than normal (although we're always pretty damn passionate) since we felt (or at least I did) that we needed to drink our nine month relationship in deeply before it was put on a long hiatus. We stayed up until at least two in the morning, and finally went to bed.

Until he was apparently awoken by me at three-ish, fondling him in my sleep. To most men this would be a turn-on in and of itself, but because The Boyfriend has a thing about me being asleep anyway, it was even better.

So (according to him) I was just playing with him, not doing anything too serious, until I guess he made some noise and I opened my eyes and said, "Everything all right?," then closed them again and turned on "the magic," as he referred to it. He has no idea what I was doing, and neither do I, but he eventually had to stop me because he was close and didn't want to make a mess of the sheets. So he calmed down a bit, rolled over and whispered in my ear, "Finish me," putting my hand on his extremely hard erection at the same time. That definitely woke me up. Sadly I lost all of my prowess...maybe I have an amazing alter-ego who gives great hand jobs while I'm asleep. Damn.

Phrase of the day.

2006-07-07T12:59:00.000-07:00

Opting for sexy Swedish this time.

Och vilket språk använder ni i sängkammaren?

means

And what language do you use in bed?

Love notes.

2006-07-07T11:29:00.000-07:00

Lots of time on my hands = a wandering mind.

A note to The Boyfriend (currently on the road somewhere between Monkey Island, Oklahoma and Branson, Missouri):

It's really not fair, me getting this horny at work. Is it just boredom, or the close proximity to desks and chairs and copy machines (all perfect places for sex)? I don't know.

I've got this short-ish black skirt on and nothing underneath, and I have to resist the urge to touch myself, run my hands up my thighs and move my fingers inside of me, like you used to do.

I really want your face between my legs, under my skirt; I want to feel the heat of your breath there, your kisses, your tongue on and in me. I want to buck up against you and force you deeper. I want you to make me moan. I am throbbing with desire right now.

I want to rest my head on your thigh, stroke my favorite spot [Trail to Treasure], nuzzle my face in that silky hair, and breathe in your perfect scent [it's like horses]. And then I want you in my mouth..I miss the singular texture of you--hard cock beneath velvety skin, veins and corona and frenulum and the ridge of the head. So much for my tongue to explore and delight in, especially the oddly delicious contrast of sweet and salty.

Don't you want to be inside me right now? I think of us taking it slow and rocking our way to mutual orgasm.

I adore every bit of you.

I admit that I'm trying to get a rise out of him, however far away he may be. It's really not all that kind of me, is it?

Aha, he repliiiied:

" Oh my God.

That's really most of what I can say about that!

And yes..........God yes.

Yes."

Don't go breaking my heart.

2006-07-05T15:30:00.000-07:00

Babeland's Mini Heartbreaker.

"The no-nonsense Mini Heartbreaker gets right to the point: G-spot stimulation and multi-speed push-button vibration in a slim, portable, waterproof package. If you like your vibes sturdy, straightforward, and efficient, the red-hot Mini Heartbreaker won't go breaking your heart."

I finally bought a new one.

I've got a little finger-sized Fukuoku 9000, and it's served me well for the most part, but watch batteries are expensive and "Sam" (as the tiny vibe has been dubbed) doesn't like the water.

So I splurged on one that does.

I'm hoping this one lives up to its description. I've never used a G-spot stimulating vibe; I tend to get my kicks via the clitoris. But I'm ready to try something new.

Mot du jour.

2006-07-05T10:36:00.000-07:00

(Or "word of the day," a.k.a. whenever I feel like it.)

One of my favorites.

"Arrambada." Catalan. Translation: heavy petting.

I'm a sex bomb, baby.

2006-07-05T09:54:00.000-07:00

And so is this.

The Sex Bomb by LUSH: "Straight in at number one is the impossibly irresistible Sex Bomb, scented with the 'come hither' fragrance of jasmine and ylang ylang. Soak yourself in its pink, scented waters before a promising night out. Clary sage essential oil, as well as being a reputed aphrodisiac, helps you to keep a balanced viewpoint and a clear mind, so your head will not be turned by all the offers of champagne, caviar, lobster and rides home in a Ferrari. However, the Sex bomb is not just for nights out; it makes a wonderful start to a quiet night in. Its sumptuous luxurious fragrance fills the whole household to turn your home into a pleasure palace. Share if it you dare."

I bought the Sex Bomb because it intrigued me and I love a luxurious bath.

Too bad I haven't any dates coming up.

I figure I'll schedule a night in with myself, instead...

I'm waiting for the opportune moment. And a waterproof vibrator.

My boyfriend is in Texas.

2006-07-05T09:26:00.000-07:00

I haven't gotten any action in three weeks.

I am blue.